His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
