Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
