Betty ford says i'm here all night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this boner is exhausting
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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