I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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