I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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