I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
