And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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