How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
