his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
