im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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