Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How does one acquire holy water?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
