So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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