found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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