Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
