so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
