I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
