i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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