All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
