Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize