how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
