I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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