he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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