Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize