why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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