Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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