You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
