I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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