Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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