I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
