my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
