I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
