hotel room ftw
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
