Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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