I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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