she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
