Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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