so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
