I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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