It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
