Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
