Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
