mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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