i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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