I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
