I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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