Your tits are I can't wait for
there was a trapeze. enough said
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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