he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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