the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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