Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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