Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
the raccoons are back...
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