I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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