At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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