I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
