the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let's paint friendship bongs
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
