never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
