About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
