Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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