How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
