I'm so fucking centered right now
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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