Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
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explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
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My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.