If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My dick has a subreddit
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
