This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother