just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes