Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
In America we eat man semen.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar