so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.