The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
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Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.