did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just invented taco cereal.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.