U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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