the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
