a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
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No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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