I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
