I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
