does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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