Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
