so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
